finding freedom in limitation as a highly sensitive person

Your mind says: “More!”

But your body says : “Nope.”

There are a million events to go to, friends to see, places to go, things to accomplish, tasks to check off your list — you want to do it all and everyone seems to be egging you on, saying “You don’t want to be left out, do you?”

(No one likes being left out.)

So you try to do it all. And for a good long while, it even appears that you’re succeeding at this. But your body protests. There is a numbness, detachment, dissociation — or maybe just a sense of dread, inability to get out of bed, depressive moods, anxious feelings, panic attacks.

It can be hard to accept the limits of your sensitive nervous system. Everywhere you turn, all you get is the message of deficit, limitation, lack. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. Who wants to listen to that negativity? Being the ambitious, driven, creative, lively, curious, spirited person you are, you wish for boundless energy to fuel your dreams. You want to do it all, you want to take it all in.

And yet when you push yourself to try to do all the things that your imaginative mind prompts you to do, you quickly find yourself running on fumes.

Here’s the thing: a big part of what a sensitive nervous system does is to process things deeply. Stimulation isn’t just bouncing off of you — you’re soaking it in. You’re noticing the nuances; you’re deeply affected by subtlety. Reading the room, you notice things that others miss.

All of this takes energy. This same physical, mental and emotional energy that allows you to remember things that others forget; to pick things up quickly and to exude an air of effortlessness, to demonstrate a natural talent for varied skill sets. A level of functioning you’ve learned to take for granted and to see as ‘normal’ — ‘oh, isn’t everyone this way?’

No, not everyone is highly sensitive.

So, when not giving yourself adequate time to replenish, recharge and restore, you get tired. More tired than you’d like. You’re overstimulated and your body requires time to integrate, and to allow experiences and sense impressions to percolate through your system.

Sometimes, this tiredness is really pointing to something with much deeper roots — perhaps even a whole lifetime of tapping into your reserves, of pushing yourself too hard, and telling yourself that maybe I’m just not enough.

What’s the antidote?

Simply knowing you have limitations doesn’t necessarily change anything. It’s like knowing that something is bad for you but doing it anyway because… why not? Whatever you’ve been doing pays off in the moment, feels good, and has become a habit, maybe even a part of your identity.

Pain is your body’s way of trying to get your attention, that something is out of balance, and wants you to do something about it.

Highly sensitive people — especially those who are also high sensation-seekers — tend to have a desire for squeezing the juice out of life. Many are hungry for experiences and are willing to go the extra mile, to go to extremes, to challenge norms, and to fight against limitation — in your own way. Maybe you’re not a literal rock climber, but you do want to scale those heights in the ways that light you up the most.

Saying no ends up feeling restrictive, reminds you of a dreaded authority figure, of institutions and schools and jobs and bosses — and can even feel like failure. Saying no brings on fear, resistance, protest, procrastination, rebellion… all the ways your inner teenager struggled against structure.

So the pendulum tends to swing wildly from extreme action, growth and stimulation to collapse, exhaustion, burn out. While the experience of this pendulum swing is valuable — because we learn best from experience — there is still a long-term cost when we swing too wildly, for too long. Our bodies are resilient, but they are definitely not invulnerable. Beyond a certain point, burn out can have lasting effects and can impact your body’s functioning in the long-term.

Know that:

You can’t have everything you want, but you most certainly can have all you need.

You can’t have it all (an illusion for the most part, as there is always a cost), but you can prioritize what you value most.

Many HSPs have a strong sense of mission and purpose. Sometimes it’s about doing the work to figure out what your energy is in service to so that making choices feels empowering and serves a larger purpose — than seemingly saying no just for the sake of it.

Channeling your energy in one direction means you’re focusing your powerful life force energy and maximizing its effectiveness. You’re taking care of your body so it can continue to serve you in the long run.

Do you care most about being a present parent? To make art? To live in a sustainable way? To build a business? To write a book?

Figuring this out, of course, is a process in itself. Some people are blessed enough to maybe just know… but for many of us, there is some trial and error involved. Sometimes, unfortunately, we discover what we care about only when it’s threatened in some way, or when we’re reminded in some way that we’ve been taking it for granted.

Creating limits + structure that free you up

Sounds paradoxical, but only by narrowing your focus, do you free your energy up to play within your chosen realm of focus.

Experience how liberating it can be to no longer wrestle with the illusion of limitlessness — the fantasy that you can somehow have it all only if you just pushed yourself hard enough. It is freeing to choose to focus your precious life force energy on the things that you value the most, because what you value most will feed you in return.

Know that there will be an initial ‘detoxing’ period as you make this transition. Your body, used to its old patterns, will take time to adjust to the new normal. It will try its hardest to tug and pull you back into old ways of being, whispering its fears: “are you sure you’re not missing out on something important?”

Remember: You’re not saying no to things because you’re the anti-fun police. You’re saying no because whatever you end up saying yes to gives you life, and sustains you far beyond whatever superfluous stimulation that may be calling your name in the moment.