Recovering from burn out
When was the last time you felt truly recharged?
Slowing down is not necessarily a comfortable process. Truly resting after months, years or even a whole lifetime of over-functioning can feel like you’re re-entering the atmosphere after orbiting in space, trying to find your way home. Stuff gets burned off in the re-entry. There’s a reason why it takes time to wind down. When we go at maximum speed for too long, our body registers this as ‘survival mode’. There’s a threat! We have to keep going! We can’t stop! Slowing down can be painful at first, unnatural; janky, uncomfortable. Really not as relaxing as you’d think. Because with it, suppressed emotions from the past come bubbling up. Things that were left un-felt now demand for your attention. This can be overwhelming, scary, exhausting, confusing. (People often find their way to therapy at this point.)
How do we get burned out?
In my experience, burn out doesn’t necessarily have to do with work, per se. As long as there is…
More output of energy than input of nurturing, restoration, meeting one’s own needs… we gradually run out of steam. And sometimes we don’t notice until the bottom falls out and we ‘suddenly’ meet our breaking point. It only feels sudden because we may have learned to ignore the warning signs!
Modern living presents a potent cocktail of stimulation and sources of stress:
overstimulation: scrolling, taking in information constantly, without taking time to process and digest, filling up every spare moment with entertainment
disembodiment: living in cities, not having easy access to nature, coping by dissociating and detaching
incompatibility with mainstream always-on productivity: work schedules that tend to shoehorn us into compartments of time and enforced productivity that just doesn’t work for everyone
enmeshment and participation in unhealthy relationship dynamics that are draining
There are a multitude of ways many of us have been deeply conditioned to feel and believe that the only acceptable way is to live is to keep going, keep working, keep producing — all of the time.
The pandemic brought about a sea change — many are now seeing that the old ways represent an unsustainable way of being. There is a yearning to return to ease, a just-right pace, a relationship to work that is not abusive or exploitative.
Re-learning the value of rest
Recovery might take longer than you think. Burnt out for years on end? Depending on how old you are, how long you’ve been feeling this way — recovery might not just be a matter of a month or two, but months or even years.
Experiencing anxiety when you begin to slow down is a natural part of the process. Your body learned that over-functioning = safety. So when you start doing less of what feels safe to you, even though you rationally know it’s the right thing to do, it starts sending you signals in the form of anxious thoughts and feelings: ‘are you sure this is okay?!’
You’re teaching your body that slowing down is okay. Doing deep breathing or self-soothing exercises whenever anxiety arises is a way of signaling to your brain that nothing is wrong, nothing bad is happening.
Relearning your natural rhythm. What’s your optimal zone of stimulation? How many minutes or hours can you really focus each day/week without feeling overly tired? How do you know when you’re pushing yourself? How much sleep is enough sleep? What kinds of stimulation do you really need to feel your best? The fun part of this phase is getting to know yourself again — allowing room for curiosity and not-knowing can surprise you!
Developing a relationship with your body. This can include learning how to read your body’s natural cues for fatigue, and identifying warning signs of overwhelm; developing an internal awareness of what different physical sensations mean, correctly interpreting them and acting on them. This daily practice can go a long way in building tolerance for discomfort and allowing yourself to experience your feelings more fully.
Most importantly, know that by doing this you’re really doing something radical — saying no, honoring rest as a normal and essential part of living — still tends to be a shame-laden activity in many modern societies.
Cultivating good boundaries around your time, energy and resources are not templates that typically get passed down in many cultures. You might be the first in a long line of exhausted individuals learning how to value yourself and returning to a place of integrity!
This article is intended for a general audience and not meant to be a substitute for medical advice or professional mental healthcare.
