when doing nothing makes you feel anxious
Finally, vacation time is here! Looking forward to all that rest, downtime, taking a much needed break from work… You settle in, thinking you’re finally getting a chance to relax. But instead, you feel antsy, restless, future-tripping, making plans, scrolling on your phone mindlessly. You have a compulsion to check work emails. Your body is tense and you’re constantly thinking about what you should do instead of whatever you’re currently doing.
At the end of your break, instead of feeling rested, restored, and ready to go, you just feel relief that you can get back to work, mixed with dread that the grind is starting up again. “I should have rested more! I’m only just starting to feel relaxed, but work is starting up again!”
Why doesn’t ‘rest’ feel good at first?
For people who have been stuck in chronic over-functioning, overstimulation, or survival mode, and have been on the go for a long time, it’s like expecting a car that’s been going at 100mph to immediately brake and come to a complete stop.
Consciously relaxing actually requires a state of transition. Expecting a ‘pre-rest’ mode and even planning for this buffer time can help you ease into letting go and feeling safe doing so.
Like a space ship re-entering earth’s atmosphere, tension and unprocessed emotions have to be felt and released — burned off — before your body can really start to relax.
Sometimes this can be as easy as getting a good massage, hanging out with a friend and talking it out, or moving your body in ways that feel good before you begin to come down.
However, if we’re talking about years of unprocessed emotions, resting and having downtime can actually make you feel worse at first — sometimes much worse — before you feel better. Suppressed emotions rise up once you slow down, trying to get your attention, and this is often experienced as anxiety.
It’s like your mind and nervous system are stuck on high gear, but you’re resisting this state by trying to make your body be still and do superficially ‘relaxing’ things — this conflict causes even more tension, and restlessness results.
This is also the moment when most people conclude that ‘rest feels bad — work feels good’ and immediately resort to working / overworking again, because signals from your brain and body are telling you it’s not safe to rest; or that the emotions coming up are so uncomfortable that you’d do anything to not feel it all at once. Working means not having to feel these feelings? Sign me up!
And so the cycle continues — the next time you stop to rest, these feelings catch up to you again.
When was the last time you really rested?
It could be years, a decade or more, even. Let’s think of the school-to-work pipeline — each step of the way is rife with competition, fears, sense of scarcity, pressure and resistance. This is even more so for those who grew up not feeling adequately supported.
This is also when we tend to pick up beliefs like: “My worth is in my performance” “Resting is being lazy, I need to always be productive” “I need to make X amount of money, get (insert object of desire) before I can rest” “I need to prove that I’m worthy”
When these beliefs run in the background, the overarching message your body experiences =
“it’s not safe for me to rest”
These beliefs can feel threatening, and keep us activated enough to constantly stay on the go; and there can seem to be plenty of pervasive evidence that support these beliefs in our capitalistic, classist systems, instilling a sense of helplessness. But feelings are not facts, and feeling this way does not mean that you’re powerless.
Rest, restoration, rejuvenation — teaching yourself that it’s safe now
Prioritizing well-being is still a radical act, but the only truly sustainable one.
Short term fix:
Incorporate movement to release built-up cortisol and release tension from the body
Plan for and expect a buffer period before you can start to ‘come down’ from chronic stress — and that you might need more downtime — and more frequently — than you think!
Learning to self-soothe and complete stress cycles, through movement, like dancing, shaking, bouncing on your toes or even punching a pillow at the end of a stressful day / event
Long-term approach:
The long-term way of approaching this is to dig a little deeper:
Examine your belief system, and see which beliefs may be driven by of sense of fear (and we all have fears!) or even traumatic experiences
Common root causes: immigrant experience, performance-oriented culture and society, any experience of lack or scarcity
Releasing stuck emotions and energy from traumatic experiences that taught you you’re not safe or it’s not okay to rest
Tools I use in session: Emotion Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) or Trauma Resolution Energy Therapy (TRET)
Writing new beliefs that are empowering, and incorporating taking care of your well-being as key to your success
Learning about and respecting your body’s natural rhythms and energetic expression through metaphysical tools like human design
It’s safe for you to rest now
Your genius comes from a rested place, not from overwork. Your gifts are distilled from the wisdom of reflection and rejuvenation. Trust that all you’ve done and taken in requires time to percolate through your system — all integrated, never lost.
The earth supports your rest just as nature herself turns inward during wintertime.
I’m happy to support you as your partner-in-rest!
All information is for general use, not intended to replace medical advice. Please filter through your own guidance system and use at your own discretion.
