the 4F’s of your nervous system

Do you notice how you tend to react when you feel overwhelmed?

when we feel threatened, our nervous system responds in pre-programmed ways:

1 FIGHT

this looks like: hyperarousal, agitation, anger and all its children (irritation, annoyance), and an urge for conflict

2 FLIGHT

this looks like: avoidance, need to cut something off abruptly, move away from something, could feel like a strong feeling of fear, restlessness

3 FREEZE

this looks like: mind going blank, dissociating or numbing out, feeling shut down, no awareness of time passing, collapsing, not being able to get out of bed

4 FAWN

this looks like: enmeshing, not knowing where someone ends and where you begin, getting into someone else’s mental & emotional space to anticipate their needs and to please them, self-sacrificing, suppressing own needs and wants, being solicitous and self-effacing

Being stuck in a chronic fight-flight-freeze-fawn state can be a sign of complex traumatic stress. Your body doesn’t feel safe and hasn’t come out of its fear response!

What threatens you?

These days, especially for those of us living in developed countries, threats tend to be more emotional than existential.

Friendship conflicts, family of origin issues, relationship issues, self-worth, feeling not good enough…

Depending on personality and temperament, we tend to default to 1 or 2 reactions. Learning what your fear responses are can help you develop more empathy for yourself; after all, you’re simply feeling unsafe/threatened and your brain + body are acting to protect you!

Once you learn how to regulate your fear responses (i.e. calm down, feel safe), the next step naturally presents itself: deciphering what exactly feels threatening — why did I respond in that way? What is the fear underlying this feeling of threat? Where did this fear come from?

But first, having an intimate awareness and understanding of our fear responses is life changing.

It’s possible to not let your fear responses run your life. Start with baby steps — developing a practice of noticing. Notice your fear. Notice your feelings of being threatened. Notice what comes out of this awareness. With new awareness, comes new possibilities.